The Ultimate Choice is HOW you Choose

Nothing prepared me for what I learned while leading my own retreat – It’s HOW you choose that matters.

Last weekend I had the honor of leading another Great Do-Over Retreat. For the first time, I offered the women a session with my colleague, Karin, the horse whisperer.

Karin is an expert in equine assisted learning (EAL) – in a few words, EAL teaches us about ourselves through being with horses. Since our group was small, I chose to participate too.

“Which horse do you want to work with?” Karin asked.

“I don’t know,” I said – the darker one. “Why that one?” she asked “I don’t know – he seems harder to handle, and I’m always up for a challenge.” “hmmmm…. Said Karin”

Then, I changed my mind. “I’ll take the easier horse then.” “So, you think the other horse is easier?” Oy, I didn’t like where this was going already.

Karin handed me a rope and said, “go into the ring and bring that horse from the other side of the ring to right here.”

I like my decisions to be pretty black and white, and I wasn’t getting any instruction or direction from Karin, just questions, and truthfully, I was more than a little frustrated.

My one and only experience with horses was when I was about 12 years old on a summer trip to Maine with friends. I was so frightened by riding, that the horse turned around and made a beeline back to the barn, throwing me off his back in the process.

Here I am now at my own retreat and serving as an example for the women I’m leading. I walk into the ring, get halfway toward my horse, feel my beating heart and stop. I close my eyes and ground myself in my breath before moving slowly forward. He held steady, watching my approach.

As I got close, he bowed his head. I put my hand on his neck, stroked his head and cheek and we silently agreed everything was going to be okay. “But HOW do I use this rope to bring him to the other side?” I wondered.

I had watched Karin with Socs (short for Socrates) earlier. She simply cupped her hand as if she were holding a rope and he followed her. I tried that now with Socs, but he didn’t move. “Nice try, Deb,”  I thought.

I whispered in his ear, “will you follow me?”

I tried again with the closed rope hand. He didn’t move.

I looked at the rope (which I now realized was a bridal) looked at Socs and tried to figure out how it worked. I didn’t want to upset him by trying to put it over his head and scaring him off.

“I don’t know what to do.” I said to Karin. She just looked at me and shrugged. Finally it hit me, I’ll just put the rope over his neck and hold the ends together.

It worked! Socs followed me across the ring to the other side.

When Karin brought us together in the center of the ring, Socs followed me. I was grateful for his trust.

Since that experience with Karin and Socs, I’ve noticed how difficult some decisions are for me. I belabor the big ones. Flip flop my choices (like I did with the horses), and in general take too long to act because, “I don’t know” the right answer.

For an entrepreneur, that can be deadly for business.

In our EAL experience, Karin kept probing me with questions to choose…

So, I got to thinking…. What does it mean to choose?

It means you need to first be conscious that there is a choice happening. Then I realized how many choices we make that are not conscious.

Look at all the choices you made yesterday – it’s almost exhausting to look back – choosing what to eat, what to wear, where to go and when, what to buy or not buy. When to go to sleep, when to wake up, what to watch, read, write or make. 

And during the workday…What is most important to do right now? What are my priorities this week, this day, this hour, this very moment?

As I reflected, it came to me to ask: What is for my best and highest good in this moment?

Who asks that, right? We all should, but, who does?

We make choices based on habits, patterns or someone else’s direction – unconsciously. Resulting in unconscious choices that may not get us to where we want to be.

Who to date? When or if to marry? Who to spend time with, who to call (or not call), whether to act, or whether to react.

Stay in this job or leave? Start something new, but what? And when? So many choices!

Each moment is a choice. It’s all in HOW you choose.

Ask yourself…Am I awake while choosing?

Is there something I am avoiding?  Or moving toward?

I invite you to think for a bit, “How am I choosing?”

Are you choosing to believe in what’s possible for you? Or are you choosing to believe in limitations?

Reflect on how your choices are serving you or getting in your way. Are you riding a pattern you would rather not be on?

What do you choose now?